Thursday, October 16, 2008

It's About Time

If you knew me, well, you'd know me. But you'd also know I'm fascinated with time travel.
And I believe.
Oh, and I love TV. And I don't care what people think. Well, I pretend not to care. But unless I open a dinner theatre in my living room and the troupe from "Everybody Loves Raymond" stops by, the TV it is. And anyway, Peter Boyle is dead, so he wouldn't be able to make it unless, wait...that's right...time travel.
Time travel, TV. TV, time travel. Parfait. Can't have one without the other.
Yup, everything I've learned about the great science of time travel–and soon to be key to solving the economic crisis– has come straight from the small screen. A source I trust to no end.
The Internet? Lies. Newspapers? Lies. Friends and family? They lie.
Ahh, but TV is nothing but the sweet nectar of truth.

Exhibit A: The Flintstones and The Jetsons
Elroy invents a time machine. Wackiness ensues. The two families go back and forth in the space-time continuum like a cosmic ping pong ball looking for a lost lottery ticket that COULD be a winner. And every bit of it is true.
And everybody lives happily ever after.
So, to sum up: If everybody lives happily ever after+It involves time travel+It is on TV=True.
It's mad genius I tell you!

Exhibit B: The Twilight Zone
Okay, this was going to be Exhibit A, but I found the Flintstones flying the Jetson's space car first. The Twilight Zone is chock full of travel. Yeah man, travel, airplanes, cars and trains, there was some walking and running, too. But it all comes back to, that's right, time travel. One big problem about The Twilight Zone is that while it absolutely proves time travel is true, rarely does everybody live happily ever after. So we're going to call this the exception that proves the rule. Plus, it was on TV. Rod Serling figured it out. He was smart even though he went to Syracuse as did the oddly elfin Bob Costas (who I believe to be a space alien, more on that some other time). So yeah, Rod Serling was smart. But he died pretty young of lung cancer. How he didn't see that coming I'll never know. Plus, why didn't he use time travel? Was he scared of reruns?

Exhibit C: It's About Time (The Gilligan Corollary)

It's About Time was a "show" that was "created" by perhaps the greatest scientific mind of our, or any, time: Sherwood Schwartz. Mac and Hector (Astronauts!) travel in time to the prehistoric age (Before History!). There they meet Gronk and Shadd (Cavepeople!). This was a major breakthrough in time travel. (Later subverted by The Planet of the Apes movies, which were on the BIG screen, and therefore...what? That's right, lies.) The great leap forward by Schwartz was made possible by the Gilligan's Island experiments he conducted three years earlier. Naysayers scoff at this assertion, saying that the Minnow incident was simply a case of poor seamanship. Nonsense. If a three-hour cruise isn't time travel, I don't know what is. And people lived happily ever after. And they were on TV. Case closed.

Okay, I have to go to my "Cable Access TV meeting" now. (Hint: Cable Access=Time Travel!) Bye!!

No comments: